Lady Oz

I seem to have been born with my head slightly tilted to the right and forward with enough momentum to nod whenever anyone starts to speak. To listen completely. A nature of gentle inquisition, effective at finding people’s feelings falling out in conversation, picking them up and filing them away. Revisiting when necessary. A hyper-active maternal instinct that tries to make everything alright forever. Obligatory. A de-emphasis on myself. When people notice…They don’t. Happy for the space to share without taking. Nonthreatening. Unintimidating. Too feminine.

Small waist. Large hips. Kind eyes.

Natural impulse – smile. Natural impulse—warmth. Natural impulse—love. Attempted understanding.

Natural disposition: loneliness.  Natural disposition: crippled by the weight of everything taken off other people.

Society has always pushed the promise of a strong, wise male, coming along to shoulder it all. society lies. Because everyone is broken. And everyone is looking for someone with the answers, someone to see them as whole. And someone never knows and someone never cares to look too closely. And someone never wants to bother carrying the weight of the world.

and I understand. It’s too much to ask of someone. And no one is easier to find.

In the Meantime…

Ask me how I’m doing and what I’m working on, and I have no good answer. Working. Just working. 9-5, and producing nothing. Nothing quantifiable, so. Here I am. Wanting to answer your question and not having a good enough answer, and I wonder if I delay responding long enough, I can respond properly. But life doesn’t really work like that, so I’m left staring at a blank screen, letting the text get buried in piles of distracting things, and maybe I’ll be mature enough to dig it out one day. And maybe you’ll be understanding enough to forgive me.